OK, so people questioned whether we should go camping in April. Yes, it was Baltic in the nights but a beautiful setting, nice & quiet so we had loads of space to run around playing, right next to the beach and the pub was close. What could go wrong?
What about a toilet-trained toddler peeing the bed for the first time in months? Once would’ve been really inconvenient, twice- are you kidding me? Nope, 3 times in one night. I was not prepared for that- clambering around in the dark (I couldn’t find the 2 headlamps I had brought, “why do you need so many headlamps?” she said), her whingeing it was cold as we tried in vain to wild pee with her naked waist down stood on my feet and re-clothing her in her clothes, then mine then her tops as trousers.
What about having to jump Sneaky Dan’s car twice and wait nervously for the engine management system to reset to get up the hill out of Port Eynon? He did ask a bit of the battery to blow up 5 airbeds and charge a high voltage (albeit very impressive) interior camping light-which we barely used.
10:30 am: What about giving him the big goodbye- and reassurances to contact us in transit for help if he needed it- only to get in the much more impressive flash car that Yeatesy was driving to hear the sound of the central-locking incessantly turning off and on rather than the sweet sound of a Jaguar engine?
Typical of a fancy, modern car that everything that you can affect about the car is hidden by some clever software. 5 minutes earlier we were stuffing the car with all our crap, now we were taking it all out to access the battery. Fancy car see, so it’s obviously in the boot.3 of us stood around the boot rubbing our 3-day camping beards for maybe an hour before the RAC were called.
11:30 am: “Sorry Sir we don’t have a record of your membership”. Come on, what? He’s changed his number plate and the membership is through his warranty. I’m unclear why that posed a problem but after a couple of phone calls home mum manages to locate some reference which get us in. “They’ll be about an hour and a half”. Lovely, we can live with that, it’s not even raining.
4:00pm: Several wind-up updates later informing us of a regular delays, one of which was that they weren’t sending a specialist RAC van but a contractor, and exhausting our collection of games, a lady turns up with a flatbed truck and parks about a hundred metres away on the road because, wait for it, she’s not allowed on the grass!
Have you Googled it?
Perhaps the 2nd question- OMG we’re in trouble here. Also, it is revealed to me that the handbrake cannot be released either (fancy car) and the truck can only take 2 of the 4 of us home. This’ll be fun. The non-RAC lady minutes later (and after the damage waiver is signed) begins ragging fancy car on to the truck. Fair play to the Jag it put up some stubborn resistance with its handbrake firmly secure. “At least we’re all ok”, putting my arm around his shoulder, I reassured Yeatesy as we watched the precious bit of metal slowly inch up the truck.
5:00pm. The almost no cover ended up being quite good with a taxi on the way for us. Highlight of the day was a trip around the corner to the pub in the truck with kids on laps to wait out the last lap, or was it?
What time mate?
5:45pm. The taxi driver rang at the agreed arrival time to ask us what time he should come for us. “Er, well you should be here now”. More beers.
6:50pm. Finally, we’re off. Feeling quite smug that we managed to leave with everyone still happy and concluding that it was a successful trip- this one is good- the wheel falls off the taxi. Literally! We are in the middle lane of a roundabout just about to join the m4.
Stuck on a verge with car seats and kids, feeling thankful that we weren’t on the m4 when that happened, we make a dash across traffic to some services half a mile away, grab a sarnie and wait for another one.
7:10pm. With the new taxi driver laughing so much he can barely drive, we make our way home without too much trouble.
8.15pm.She kindly offers to pick me up from Yeatesy’s and help with our stuff. It’s only a mile from our house but she refuses directions and insists on the address to Google. 15 mins after getting to Yeatesy’s we’re still waiting on the street like hobos. The phone rings and she tells me she’s lost. After being calm throughout I lose my shit a bit. Thankfully she’s only around the corner.
Fancy car needed a new battery. Dads’ club had a story.
- Kids’ clothes
- adult clothes
- New car battery